I never wanted to work. The only reason that I went to college was because after high school it was the next thing to do. What I wanted to spend my life doing is being a mommy and a wife. I wanted to teach music lessons and work with show choirs and I was doing all of this (minus the mommy part as we were a family of two back then). Our finances changed and my reality changed. I canceled all that I was doing with music and got a job. When the day came that I had to leave my home at 5:30 am in the dark in a snow storm to go to my first day of work, I hugged my husband and cried, "This is the day that I give up everything." Ouch. Even now, thinking of those words and old feelings reminds me of the hurt. At this job, I was blessed with great training at the best possible time to work for this company and I made some really fun friends. However, once my daughter was born, I cried daily in my cubicle. I was alone, in solitude, just moving through the motions to get done what had to be done. I extremely disliked passing my daughter between 6 different babysitters, working 10 1/2 hour days five days a week and overtime on the weekends, only seeing Adam when I was sleeping, risking my life while driving while exhausted, and speeding around corners believing that if I drove into a tree it would end the pain and be better for everyone. One rare day when my husband and I got to actually have a real conversation, I expressed that I would rather live in a cardboard box than continue working as I was.
I became a born again Christian when I was 9 years old. Adam was 7 when he accepted Christ as his Lord and Savior. We met when I was 13. That summer we talked about many things including our salvation. Adam asked me to "go with him" in a note passed to me in ninth grade Physical Science class. God matched us up. There is no doubt in our minds that we are God's gifts to each other. Through time, changes, and stresses of life, life itself sometimes takes over. We are weakest when we are alone, tired, and sad, and Satan weasels into our thoughts and poisons our actions. During my struggles working with a newborn, I wasn't at my closest to God, but He was always there seeking me, reaching out to me, longing to guide me and give me strength. God's blessings are abundant even when they are unnoticed at the time.
God used a friend to lead me to another company doing the same work but working from home. Praise Jesus! This position eliminated babysitters and allowed husband and wife time. There is no denying that I'm better for having come to this company, than had I never come at all. We delivered our son and second daughter while I was working this job. This was so much better to bring up our newborns, but as they grew, I began to outgrow this job too. It was no longer satisfying and I constantly found myself longing to be involved with music again. The overtime became a big burden and strain on our family. "I never wanted to work. This is not what I wanted to do. I want to be a Mommy! A Mommy!" A coworker once verbalized exactly what I was feeling, "When I'm done working, all that my family gets is angry left over's." I began praying, reading my Bible, searching for God, changing my thoughts, and walking through open doors.
Yes, open doors. I was praying constantly to have a door open, a door to help me escape from work, escape from this job, escape from this sadness, escape from mourning the life that I wanted but didn't have. I saw no doors, no open windows, not even a crack. One day, I realized that I cannot keep praying for doors to open if I don't walk through the doors that are open. We walked through the doors of a church about 1/2 mile from our house, a church that has since been a blessing to us many times over. I walked through the door to work a funeral dinner as a server "for fun". Yeah, for fun. I know that is a sad thought, but I could have been crying and wallowing at my desk at home or I could have picked myself up, dressed up, got out of the house, been around people, got some exercise walking, smiling, talking, encouraging, being kind, and loving on those around me. YES! By walking through the open door to work that funeral dinner, my life was changed. I began to say yes to every offer. Do you want to come to Sunday School? Yes. Do you want to bring your family to movie night? Yes. Will you sing the church special on Sunday? Yes. Wait. How did they know that I can sing? (Side note, my husband talks. He is a friendly social butterfly. Unbeknownst to me, he innocently spilled the beans that I have a background in music.) I said yes. That door was open, wide open, and Jesus was on the other side, holding out his hand, saying "Come." In about 2 seconds a whole conversation happened between myself and, well, myself. "Not me God. I cannot do that. I haven't sang or played the piano in over ten years. I cannot believe that I'm one of those people that can say that, but it is true. I don't even own a piano. I don't have church music. Um...I prayed for a door. You opened it. I will walk through it. I said yes." It was true that I had no church music, I was trained in show, not sacred. The only music I found for a special was old yellowed brittle Xeroxed pages from Vacation Bible School when I was maybe 7 years old, before I was saved. I sang acapella. They liked it. Whew. They liked it. They liked it enough that they asked me to sing again the following month. I had more time to prepare and more time to be scared, so I put my children in the act. Even if I am horrible, they are cute, so it will be fine. I bought the accompaniment and sang Learning To Be The Light., by Newworldson, followed by the children singing This Little Light of Mine. The congregation gave a standing ovation. Can they do that? I've never seen a congregation give a standing ovation for a Sunday morning special before, and it was an encouraging and inspiring blessing rewarding me for walking through that door.
To summarize the next several events: Our church put a video of the performance on YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=23ixNUlLwB0), a coworker saw it and asked us to perform at the community days. "Walk through the door.", I thought to myself. I told her yes to everything she wanted. When my husband got home that day, he was stunned when I told him that I agreed for HIM to sing (He had not sang since being a child and that was embarrassing for him.), as well as our children, who were ages 7, 5, and 3 years old. We used all of our savings and bought sound equipment, music, costumes, and more. When the truck arrived to our house and the driver was unloading pallets of equipment, my husband went out to greet him and announced, "This is going to take a while. I need to pray over each one of these boxes." You see, the journey of walking through doors, is a journey of walking toward Christ. The journey brought my whole family to see Jesus' love, God's blessings, and to recognize the Holy Spirit's presence in every moment. The Devine Inspirations Family Ministry had begun and we became willing to walk wherever God leads. This equipment is not ours, but is Christ's and we are merely stewards using it where He says to use it. Over the past 2 years, God has lead us to many places beyond what we could have ever imagined. He has pulled us out of sadness, darkness, loneliness, desperation, and mourning. He has lead us into forgiveness, thankfulness, humbleness, gentleness, and mercy. He has blessed us in so many ways and given birth to so many new possibilities. By now, we know that by walking through the doors they will lead to something great in God's perfect timing.
And each night at my very tired and weakest moments, when the devil's voice was the loudest, as I was working until midnight, sometimes up to 55 hours a week, plus giving an average of 1-2 The Devine Inspirations performances a week for another 36 hours, I'd catch myself wondering when is God's perfect timing going to match up with my desired timing, with my dreams, with the desires God has placed on my heart? I never wanted to work. I want to be a Mommy, a wife, and involved with music. It is my calling! I finally realize that God has been preparing me for this my whole life and all of the pieces are put together, except for this job that keeps getting in the way. I considered quitting the job, but I'm the only income. What would my family do for insurance? What about the bills? Oh the burdens. That is so scary! I considered doing my job poorly, then I'd be fired, and that would be that. But God doesn't want us to make things happen according to our will. We are to do our very best for Christ. We are to do all things to the Glory of God! All things. Even if you don't like what you are doing. So, I continued to do my very best, praying for God's perfect timing, praying God's blessings to be unleashed into my life, and praying that nothing that isn't of Christ would happen. I only want my life to be filled with God and if it is not of God, I don't want it. For three years I prayed for changes in my job hours, yes, that is a year longer than The Devine Inspirations existed. For three years I prayed continuously and waited on God's timing. A late night working friend who has lent an ear during my struggles once said "Truly believing is also believing in His timing and trusting until we get there." That is not easy.
I've worked full time plus overtime for 11 years. I was the only income for 8 years. I've prayed for a change for 3 years. I'm so pleased and excited and thrilled to announce that God has opened the door and I've walked through it. My job has allowed me to move to part time and, starting today, The Devine Inspirations is now my full time work!!! PRAISE JESUS! THANK YOU GOD!
Yes, I'm the only income for our household. Yes, we have lost all of our insurance and benefits. Yes, it is a significant pay cut. Yes, I've never been more at peace. I've never been more thankful. I've never been so trusting. I've never been so excited. When fears peek through, I push them out by repeating "God's Got This. God's Got This. God's God This." We thank you for your prayers and ask that you continue to pray for us and The Devine Inspirations. Please give praise and thanksgiving with us. Please pray for God to bridge the gaps. Please pray for His endless blessings to be poured out on us and through us to others. Thank you and Thank God!
The Devine Inspirations -- Public Speaking and Family Ministry
To learn more about The Devine Inspirations, see our web page www.TheDevineInspirations.com
LIKE The Devine Inspirations on Facebook at www.facebook.com/devineinspirations2012